Musings

A Vow to Unravel

katieladrido-autumn

I am making a vow to myself, as I take on the last eight weeks of 2014, to unravel completely the listless and rigid parts of my soul. Life is passing rapidly, and this year filled with loss and learning is a testament to that. All I want is for beauty to shatter me; I want to fiercely commit to every beautiful moment I encounter and wholeheartedly inhibit it. I want the scars and sorrows of the past to threaten my sanity but not to the point that I have to get sick or halt domesticity and good habits. I simply want it to be a reminder that I am very much alive and wildly extraordinary. 

Half of me is filled with bursting energy and the other half is painfully introverted. I crave solitude yet I also crave people. I want to pour life and love into everything that I endeavor but not at the expense of my self-care and gentleness. I want to live within the rush of primal and gut-feel decision-making yet also reflect and contemplate. I've come to accept this duality of my nature and that within me, I carry multitudes of character, and I must abide by their shifts gracefully. 

I am complicated, and life is messy, but ultimately, I find balance through self-awareness and acceptance. I know I need to go with the flow; be flexible and soft, subtly powerful and open, wild and serene at the same time. I've come to accept that it is enough that I am able to accept all changes yet still be led by the steady pull of life's tides. I want to collide with souls and hearts and minds, and be in love with the whole damn world. I want the tiny pangs of fear, the twinges of longing, and the internal conflicts to bring me to the heart and thick of who I am. My understanding is unique to me, and I am grateful for this moment of synchronicity. I vow to make all this count.